I am a Bad American, too

politics, society

I am a Bad American
By Adam Lasnik — http://www.bladam.com/
A response to the reactionary essay cited at http://www.snopes.com/language/document/carlin.htm

I look forward to the day when the Peace Corp offers pay and benefits equal to the military.

I have a problem with our government arresting people and detaining them without charges for months on end. Isn’t that what countries like, oh, Iraq have been known for?

I believe that teachers or others performing society-enhancing work should make more than the arrogant and ineffectual CEO’s who plunder and then bankrupt their companies.

I think people like Senator Rick “Man on dog” Santorum and Anne “Kill all non-Christians” Coulter are, or at least SHOULD be an embarrassment to the Republican party. Er, make that an embarrassment to humanity.

I think sexual behavior that goes on between ANY consenting adults is nobody’s business besides those directly involved.

I think that folks who make millions and corporations who make billions of dollars should actually pay some taxes instead of savoring every loophole they can find.

The great thing about whatever diety you worship is that he/she/it is (probably) available outside of business hours. In other words, don’t use resources funded by my tax dollars to facilitate your prayerful objectives in schools, courthouses, and so on.

I think there’s something screwy when we American taxpayers spend $100 billion dollars to wage a pre-emptive war for our “security” when millions in the U.S. lack jobs, basic medical care, or even a roof over their heads.

I believe that any politician who utters the despicable words, “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” or anything similar ought to be immediately banished to a land in which there are no civil liberties whatsoever.

I feel there should be more Arts education in schools. Stuff like marching band not only instills discipline and teamwork, but leaves kids with much less time to get into trouble.

I think colors are for coloring books, not for asinine “terror codes” that do nothing to help anyone. Someone should duct tape Tom Ridge’s mouth.

I am disgusted by our country’s ridiculous “War on Drugs.” How about a War on Pandering Politicians instead?

I believe that any President of a large country should have actually spent some quality time outside of his or her homeland. Putting together a coherent sentence off the cuff would be nice, too, especially without relying on the word “Evil.”

Condoms break, birth control sometimes fails. If you don’t like abortions, don’t have one.

I’m confident that the real problems facing our society are not caused by celebrities or violent videogames or “those godless homosexuals.”

I think proclaiming a “War on Terrorism” is ridiculous. Usually wars have a beginning and an end. Does anyone forsee one of our leaders bragging, “Okay, folks, we just won the war! No more terrorism!”?

So, of course, we’re going to be “at War!” for at least the duration of Bush’s tenure. No wonder why Republicans so steadfastly oppose criticizing our President during war time. How conveeeeenient.

I think that when a national tragedy strikes, there are far more noble calls to action than “Go Shopping!”

I believe that “Liberal” is not a dirty word, and I wish more of our spineless Democrats would pick up the clue phone and care about something other than their re-election.

5 comments… add one
  • Susan May 27, 2003

    Very profound and closely parallels many of my thoughts. Thanks.

    I am really very very very tired of the “proud to be Ammmmurican by accident of birth” crowd. I feel that it is inappropriate for me to take any responsibility for my parents copulation in the back seat of a 57 Chevy on a drive-in theater in Massachusetts. It was merely fate that they were not in Iran, Iraq or *gasp* France. So quit bragging about that over which you had no control, those of you who wave your flags and thump your chests. It was not your doing that you are Ammmmurican.

    And about that “love it or leave it” claptrap, who says that we only have those two options. Why can’t I love it enough to want to fix it, like a not so great marriage. Do you toss it out, or do you communicate that which you wish to change? Divorce is the only option? I think not. I can love the Constitution better than you and prove it by availing myself of that Freedom of Speech biz that you would so like me to be denied.

    I vote that we buy Dixie Chicks CD’s by the dozen.

    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I have bookmarked your marvelous blog- which I tripped upon by searching “Blog AND Poodle”. Who knew!
    VTY
    Susan

  • Roy McCoy Jun 23, 2003

    I like what you say in your political category. Haven’t had time to look at the rest just yet, quite an undertaking!

    You might like what I write too, have a look.

  • Jim Mar 11, 2007

    I thought the original was tripe.  I think yours is tripe too.  Both are filled with an item by item, laundry list from the polical parties playbooks.  The U.S. will eventually go the way of the Romans.  It will be your fault, it will be my fault…the blame will lie with every U.S. citizen, legal and illegal,  democrat and republican, liberal or conservative.  There are a few who have the balls to face the truth.  Most people who would identify themselves with political issues, lib or conservative….just don’t have what it takes.  We have the government we deserve. And it’s not the politicians that are the problem, well OK, they are part of the problem, only in the fact that they are a subset of the real problem: people.

  • Adam Mar 11, 2007

    Okay, Jim, now that we have that negative tripe from you… any solutions? 😀

  • Susan Latimer Sep 22, 2008

    Love it!!! I also wrote a response. I think I like yours better.
    Go Get Them,

    Susan

What do you think?