Statute of limitations on coveting an ex’s friend

people and relationships, personal, society

Something I’ve been mulling over lately: What’s the protocol on asking a friend of yours to, ahem, introduce you to one of her friends… if you once dated the former?

I can just imagine the conversation now…

ME: Cara JONES? You were just at her birthday party… Cara the h… er, the famous olympic gymnast?

EX: Yeah, Adam. We’ve been buddies since college. Why?

ME: I, uh, um… I really admire her…

EX: Brains. Yeah. You and every other guy. [with added annoyance] And yeah, she’s single. No, I won’t introduce you.

* * *

What’s either a blessing or (more likely) a curse is that I’m invited to many athletic events that my ex works on, each featuring copious women with nice, uh, brains. None of them, alas, are geeks. And I think it’s probably my lot in life to date a fellow geek. So I guess it’s a moot point.

But still, it’s a fascinating issue I often ponder… the balancing of sensitivity against selfish pragmatism. Then there’s the entanglement of the two, raising questions about personal perceptiveness and motives. How many of my assumptions about my ex’s feelings towards me and her aptness to play cupid for me are based upon fear and excuses vs. courtesy and reality?

* * *

I think of my friend who fearlessly asks the best, hottest, snobbiest ‘rockstar’ follows to dance. For him, the fear of missing out is much greater than the fear of rejection, the fear of violating social norms and expectations.

Hmm. I think I’ll get off my ass and carpe diem by getting into a conversation with my ex about her feelings. I won’t know unless I ask… and hell, it’s good practice anyway :-).

* * *

P.S. — Some of you who know my “chicken blogging” mantra — “No blogging about my work, girlfriends, or family” — may be a bit shocked by this entry. But hey, I never said I wouldn’t talk about past or future relationships :-D. And besides, I think (er, hope!) my ex is too busy to be reading my blog anymore. And in a worst case scenario, I may get a call or IM tomorrow, “Adam? Do you seriously think I spend time moping about you anymore? GET OVER YOUR CONCEITED SELF! And no, I’m not introducing you to Cara!” 😛

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