Unmushy And Obnoxiously Geeky Thoughts on Love

people and relationships, personal

In junior high, I was not thinking about love.
In high school, love was for everyone but me.
In undergrad, love was only for the Bad Boys.
In grad school, I was delighted to realize that good guys could find love, too.

And now, I am tempted to believe that love is surprisingly, frustratingly, completely random.

The Rational Me yearns to apply logic to love, typically less out of need than pure intellectual curiosity.  Do [x] and you will find love.  Be [y] and you will find love.  Or, most simplistically and IMHO reasonably, be a Good Person and you will be well-deserving of love and will be correspondingly likely to find it.

And yet, despite seemingly having many data points, I fail to find many firm correlations, much less prerequisites or guarantees.

What triggered this musing?  Well, I was out last Saturday night and bantering with two acquaintances I much admire.  Both professed almost matter-of-factly that they were single and—despite wishes to the contrary—expected to remain so for the foreseeable future.  They had, at least for the time being, pretty much given up on men.  And to stave off the anticipated finger-pointing, no, I am not a decent match due to some rather solid reasons.  And further pre-empting unwise contributions from the peanut gallery: no, blogging on a Friday night does not a loser make, and commenting on such timing can hardly make one an erudite pundit. 😉

Anyway, these women are quite bright, athletic, artistic, thoughtful, friendly, and attractive.  “Good people.”  And single.

And yet, in painful contrast, I have the displeasure of too-frequently encountering masses of woefully mismatched pairs… of dense men with brilliant women, supercilious women with kindly men, and so on.  Ah, and given a recent (outstanding) California event, let me add, in timeliness and fairness:  slothful men with industrious men.

Where once I bitterly rued a chasm of inopportunity (unopportunity?) in the world of dating and love, now I see delicious opportunity tinged by capriciousness and chaos.  Certainly a marked and personally-much-appreciated improvement, yes, but undeniably annoying when considering the greater scheme of things.  Yes, not everything can or even should be quantified, analyzed, predicted, even explained… but a bit more karmic matching would be nice.  If somehow the Good folks could consistently win in the game of love, Darwin might not be appeased but we’d likely have a kinder, more productive, and happier society long-term.  And as a refreshing bonus, I’d not be stuck in awkward conversations trying to defend the lameness, timidness, or simply cluelessness of my male brethren.

11 comments… add one
  • edythe May 18, 2008

    I appreciate the sentiment, but I think Romantic Love is illogical.  It’s timing; right place, right time; expectations; and, then, of course…physicality.

  • steve May 19, 2008

    life is good

  • Greg Hardy May 20, 2008

    People are generally too chaotic to be logically described. It is possible to devise some general patterns of human behaviour (love included) but when it all comes down to an individual it is completely random, or at least is is far too complex to comprehend. Good luck, though! 🙂

  • Online Shopping May 21, 2008

    Hi Adam, Love Is life, and live life for love…

  • steve May 21, 2008

    only the strong survive,only the wise excel and only the loneliy die slowly…..

  • steve May 21, 2008

    hey…hi everybody…am lonely right now ….i need love ..i need to be love

  • Niti Jun 18, 2008

    Hmm, interesting. Read all the comments and want to tell you what really works! This is not quite a secret but it is the only way. Get to basics and start reading the Bible. When you encounter the unconditional love of GOD, you will meet with the most wholesome experiences of life. Time tested and certified by Me 🙂

  • Kamil Jun 20, 2008

    Romantic love? I think I gotta keep searching 🙂

  • Niti Jun 23, 2008

    Don’t settle for just romatic love when you can have much better – lasting love, committed relationships, peace at home with good kids, joy which never runs out and on and on and on……………………but you got to get saved first and all the priviledges begin with it, it is like joining a club and staying put, that is all it takes. But to get saved, you have to be willing to start a relationship wth Jesus and come into His fold by accepting the glorious sacrifice of the cross. You have to depend on Him to make you beautiful so that you are attractive to many, indeed so many and you can choose the best of them all! Get yourself a Bible and read read read without stopping, the faster you read and apply, the better. Join a local church which is upto your taste. Life will start turning around and you will start smiling lot lot more!!

  • Elvia Sep 20, 2008

    Romantic love? I don’t think I gotta keep searching

  • Peter Dec 18, 2008

    In my country they say that love comes unexpectedly (sorry for the comparison) like diarrhoea.

What do you think?