Worshipping others, hating yourself?

people and relationships

A Chinese friend of mine living in San Francisco has long lamented that he’s at a significant dating disadvantage, because so many of his female Asian peers insist upon dating White Guys.

This friend has now, thankfully, found a wonderful (and Chinese) girlfriend, but out of curiosity, I checked out some personal listings on the Bay Area Community site Craigs List and — to my surprise and dismay — found that this fella has a legitimate gripe.

Again and again, I saw comments like, “I’m asian, and I’m looking for a white guy between 23-30.” Some even apologized in advance for their ‘preference’ but — unsurprisingly — no explanations were forthcoming.

Sure, you hear about the occasional blonde girl with the black fetish, but it seems to me that most of this “diverse” love is one-way… minorities seeking white men and women.

Is this a form of self-hate? And how much of this is caused or exacerbated by media images?

According to Malaysian officials, who recently rejected an advertisement featuring the very white Brad Pitt, the media plays a role in “humiliation against Asians.”

Is this a case of chicken and egg? Is the media (over)representation of whites a symptom or a cause of much of the attraction minorities profess for non-minorities?

And either way, who — if anyone — should have a hand in ‘correcting’ these biases? The media? Governments? Independent advocacy groups?

As with so many complex issues, it seems there are no simple solutions.

4 comments… add one
  • Anonymous Jan 13, 2003

    I can only speak for myself on this one Adam.  Being a bit old fashioned where dating is concerned, I like to be asked out.  Thus far, I have yet to be asked out by an Asian man (I don’t count the weird Korean guy that followed me from store to store in the mall).

  • Nancy Sullivan Jun 18, 2003

    It’s very sad to me to find posting after posting like this. I personally adore AM and have landed myself a very good catch. I’ve launched my own small but dedicated attack on this crime of “social normalization”. Sadly, I know it’ll never make much of a difference. But it’s nice to hear other people voicing similar concerns. Kudos!

  • Alex Wu Aug 2, 2009

    I am not sure, most of the Asian girls who are using American standard to look at guys. In which they’d prefer someone tall and athletic. Asians are typecast as nerds or being overly effeminate. 

    If you look at pretty much all Asian guys in Hollywood, non of them I would consider as sex symbols.  Most are more of the funny types (think William Hung). Nerds, silly, weakling, obnoxious, un-trustworthy, temperamental are typical traits I think of when I watch Hollywood portrait of Asian men in general. This image is unlikely to change anytime soon.
    Maybe Asian men needs to get involved more aggressive manly sports, put down the ping pong paddle and go fight in the UFC!

  • ThatAdamGuy Jun 12, 2010

    So it’s nearly a year later… do you think things have changed? Are Asian-Americans depicted any more favorably in films, for instance?

What do you think?