I have over 500 Facebook friends. Thatâs a statement to help you understand my predicament, not a badge of honor. Of these, a handful are close friends, a big bunch are âregularâ friends, a ton of âem are colleagues with which I have varying degrees of social contact and interest, and an even larger ton are âacquaintances or less.â From that latter category, I still value many of those admittedly âweak ties.â I may not know someone well, but perhaps she and I connected strongly even after just a brief meetup. Or⊠maybe I donât chat with that one fellow much anymore, but he used to be my best friend in high school and I still care about how heâs doing.
But then there are the other âfriends.â People I met once at a conference and exchanged pleasant pleasantries with. Someone from college who was the girlfriend of an acquaintance. Or someone who⊠uh⊠who is that guy?
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The biggest and most painful flaw in Facebookâs friend-system is that it assumes that two people in a âfriendshipâ see the relationship in the same way⊠and thus have the same interests (or interest level) in both sharing and learning about each other. I have no doubt that there are people Iâm interested in hearing about (and from), but who absolutely couldnât give a rodentâs posterior about my latest blatherings or photos. On a related note, I have work buddies that I enjoy chatting with, but would probably not to subject them to my occasional angst, drinking photos, dating whines, and so on. As a friend of mine once commented, âYou donât want to see your boss in Speedosâ or, more intellectually, many people understandably feel uncomfortable sharing or reading âout of social context.â You get my point.
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Sure, Facebookâs âfriend listsâ can ameliorate some of these issue a bit. But not completely. And the UI is so awkward, so confusing, so annoying, it almost makes setting up friend lists more trouble than theyâre worth.
What Facebook needs to do is break the friend-reciprocity requirement. Just because Iâm interested in following a personâs photo stream or reading their latest musings doesnât mean they want to be forcefed AdamInfo. More specifically, Facebook needs a âsubscriptionâ model, just like what we have for blogs, on Twitter, on Friendfeed, andâfor crying out loudâin real life.Â
Each person has two rights in this far-more-ideal non-reciprocal friends model:
1) The right to set privacy boundaries, dictating who (individually and/or by group) can access what aspects of their space (profile, activity stream, etc.)
2) The right to follow or subscribe to whatever or whoever he or she wants, subject (of course) to any applicable privacy boundaries mentioned in #1⊠WITHOUT the other person having to indicate the same level of interest.
Thereâs also a #3, which I find to be a strongly desirable albeit not required component of this model:
3) The right to more keenly control sharing, so that itâs aligned intelligently not only with the interests of the sharer (as in #1), but also with the interests of the potential reader (related to #2).
#3 might seem redundant, but itâs not.
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A hypothetical example:
Pat has buddies Fred and Jen. Fred and Pat are fast friends. In contrast, Pat has a crush on Jen and want to know everything about her, but she doesnât have the same interest in Pat.
– Clearly, Jenâs gonna want #1 here. She doesnât want Pat to see her stuff at all, so she either blocks him or gives him limited privileges.Â
– She may, however, want to keep tabs on the fellow to see if heâs spreading rumors or going from creepy to threatening, so she takes advantage of #2 above.
Under the current model, the latter part wouldnât be reasonably possible. Jen would have to friend Pat, and wouldnât that be awkward?! (and potentially hazardous, by sending absolutely the wrong statement).
So then we have Pat and Fred. As fast friends, they really want to follow everything of each other. There should be a system, perhaps not only algorithmic (which I believe FB already has in place) but optional-manual as well, which enables the two to indicate, yes, turn on the firehose; let me know when my best friend sneezes. Again, Facebook has some functionality along this line, but it doesnât scale well within an account, itâs confusing, and itâs basically a pain in the ass.
This is where #3 comes into play. Facebook should enable folks to more easily share smartly⊠e.g., âpushingâ those conference photos or blog entry on technology to colleagues, but not gym buddies or high school chums. Of note, this is NOT the same as privacy; Iâm not suggesting that this should be used as a substitute for effective privacy controls or filtering, nor even that the untargeted folks in the above scenario couldnât view those items if they wanted. But rather, itâs an issue of respect and priority; itâs less that those folks would be offended and more that theyâd be simply bored. What Iâm calling for is a sharing that respects not only boundaries, but likely interests.
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And lastly, we return to the most painful part of Facebookâs current friending model: the increasing noise to signal ratio. In other words, when I view my homepage feed, a lot of it is uninteresting to me. And, alas, I miss tidbits about friends that I am interested in hearing about. Yes, again, I could use friend lists (and do), but this doesnât help streamline many other reading or transactional activities on FB; I still have to wade through 500+ names when recommending friends to friends, for instance.
So today Iâm finally making that hard choice: Iâm being selfish and reclaiming my addressbook. Iâm removing a not-insignificant-number of folks from my Facebook addressbook (read: de-friending them) not because they stole my girlfriend or poked my eye out with a bb-gun or made me lick Grand Central Station with my tongue (though, indeed, all of those would be good reasons for de-friending), but rather because we donât really chat so much any more or have drifted apart or never really chatted much socially in the first place, etc. etc. etc., and the benefit of those weak ties is outweighed by the collectiveâI hate to use this wordâclutter.
Offended? Blame Facebook. Or, better, yet, if youâre bummed that Iâve de-friended you, do one or both of the following:
– Contact Facebook and let them know that itâs high time they update their friending system to improve sharing & privacy and reduce awkwardness.
– Follow me on FriendFeed (and, obviously, feel very welcome to engage in conversation with me there).
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Thanks for your understanding :-D. Also, why not share your thoughts below on how Facebook Friending works?